Wednesday, February 1, 2012


Are you a list maker?

I am, though not always writing those ideas, to do's, or items down in such form. My lists tend to roll in my head. At night, during the day, while in mid sentence... my mind is always running on what needs to be done. Maybe I can fault my job, maybe I can trace it back to how I was raised. Maybe its just me.

I'll just go on the prospective of it just being me, much more responsible right?! These lists... the GD lists! Most of the time its such things as "what am I going to do after work. What needs done when I get home, laundry, grocery, emails that need sending, research that needs done". Then I do have those lists that I actually physically write down and leave in a very open place for me to see when I walk in the door. "Take care of banking, Talk to Insurance guy, Paint, Breath, Walk, Call on such and such...".

I feel like today its a whole other list. One big major messed up Erica list. Items on this list are all the things that are wrong. All the troubles. All of the negative going on's in my very personal life at the moment. I cannot seem to get my head off the list and I'm left wondering what the hell did I do to deserve all of these tears. I'm sick to death of crying. I'm tired of worrying and quite frankly... I'm tired. Having the hardest time finding motivation in doing anything but just breathing.

So I go to my place I call sometimes my home and lay with the only animal I have left. Today I will find out if she has cancer, though I already know the answer. Lucy Lu... my sweet kitty that I've had for the past 12 years. She will go to be with Smokey soon. This makes me sad. It makes me even more sadder that I can't seem to get my head on straight. That when it rains... it pours literally cats and dogs. I've lost three in the last several months. Three of the sweetest creatures that god has put on this earth, I can no longer care for, or might I say... care for me.

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